I talked to an older man yesterday who told me to write a letter to a friend pretending it was ten years in the future, describing my life. It sounds cheesy, but he made a good point: if you do this, you’ll know exactly what your goals are, how to achieve them, and when you went them achieved by. I wrote it. And writing about my life in ten years actually gave me a lot of appreciation for my life now. I have a new managerial job, I go to a great college in a great city, and I’m sorta seeing this girl who’s a little hottie. Plus this week is welcome week, so it’s like god has opened the flood gates of hot freshmen onto our campus.
I’ve made a few faux pas in my life, none incredibly too seriously, and I do believe those mistakes aside, I’d still be just as content with my life less the occasional moral dwelling on them.
1) Perhaps I was not as understanding as I should have been given my moral and ethical obligations to her which I freely chose to hold. I realize this now, that it was unfair of me—both to myself and to her—to continue the relationship past the point where I felt drained and bitter. Bitterness is never a good place to be in. I’d highly recommend avoiding that emotion at all cost. It never does your soul any good. I do believe I’m beyond that stage now, and I’m currently at a point that dwells on possibilities and positive memories that I secretly want back but know they’re impossible to regain. The feeling I miss most, oddly enough, is the feeling of wanting to do something sweet for someone else, wanting to sacrifice a little bit of me for the pleasure of you. That happens when you love someone more than yourself. It happened to me.
2) Being too concerned with the past is utterly useless beyond any typical critical analysis of the cause-effect relationship. The past, unlike our present, isn’t real. It’s only as real as our subjective memories claim them to be. As soon as they’re forgotten, they cease to exist. Hopefully in some distant future me, you, us, and everything I’ve ever done will cease to exist. That’s kind of beautiful isn’t it? I think so.
3) Dishes should be done daily, trash should be taken out every other day, and don’t let more than a couple of days pass before picking back up your book.
4) Apologize for things you’re sorry for. Never apologize for things you’re not. Stand your ground, be true to your own honesty—despite how warped it may be—, and always grab a bottle of vodka from the side with two hands.
Really thinking long and hard about University of Texas, Austin for grad school.